SOMEBODY STOP ME!
I’M DATING A TODDLER!
Diary Dateline: April 11, 2004, Boston, Massachusetts
"Dear E. Jean,
Shall I let swains know about diary or keep hush hush??? Swains have been leaving me messages wondering if they take me on date will they end up in column? I think probably guy for me would be delighted to be featured in RACHEL'S DATING DIARY. What do you think? I await your answer with agonized anticipation Your Most Glorious One!
As ever,
-Rachel"
"Dear Rachel,
If they can't handle your brilliance then onto the next one! Good luck with dating adventures!
-E. Jean"
…So today in order to prove greatness of newfound shopping fun/house buying=cute young swains theory, practically devoured darling young REALTOR BOY on icy streets of Boston. So determined to secure date with this luscious and former college basketball star lad was I, as he was 6'6'' and I in all my fabulosity am just squeaking in just under 5'11" myself.
Not to mention that the thought of flinging myself into this boy's arms and for once having opportunity to be gazing up into a man's eyes instead of down at his part was an all too powerful and heady intoxicant.
Cut to: Me in car quickly dialing up F.O.R. on mobile between stops at condos in offing by said swain/realty boy (of course refused his kind offer of driving me around and took my own car - please refer to LRHLAD #3 always take your own car!).
F.O.R. advised that as I had age advantage over this colossal tower of a man that he would be unused to idea of women asking him out and could therefore catch him off-guard (when was in my twenties thought never occurred to me as had boyfriend so was always beating admirers off with a stick! Can hardly stand to think of all the lads I passed up unwittingly by devoting myself to one man, love him though I did. UGH!).
Young and impressionable though the boy was, he did have the height advantage, which definitely made him a bit of an enigma! A man this adorable and this tall is a unique and rare specimen and falls into a genus/species all unto his own.
Deduced that would have to handle him as delicately as possibly as though he were a beautiful butterfly who had landed in my hands and it was my duty to protect him from harm….Sigggghhhhh….
…Anyway, so much for strategy as am ARIES after all (talk about yourself a little more why don't you Rach???) so of course passions got better of me and suddenly was pitching woo with my best impression of indomitable Samantha Jones Public Relations vixen a-la Kim Cattral! Not exactly gentle or delicate. OYE!
As was pouring it on and batting my baby blues thought maybe this was better approach after all as with this type of full court press (see NCAA finals for basketball reference) he would be helpless to fend off my charms and really a butterfly net is a much better way of securing rare specimen.
And let's face it, what are the odds really that some rare butterfly is actually going to just land in your hands anyway??? Perhaps would be a POW, WHAM, ZING, kind of thing and he would be so shocked by my coquetry that in his dumbfounded state would agree to my proposed non-business related dinner outing or any other type of invitation I might be offering him come to think of it! (please see L.R.H.L.A.D.: #2- "let it rip).
By this time I was simply buzzing with attraction for lad so gave him my card and told him was free for dinner Thursday. This mating dance went on for about 45 minutes but eventually had to return to work and so regretfully tore myself away. And, as it turns out he is seeing someone so though sadly it may not happen with THIS laddie it's given shape to perfect and radically new idea/plan.
It is, dare I say, the solution I have been searching for? What better for me than a boy of 26! He will be able to keep up and will not be beaten down by the cruelties of life yet but rather will be full of youthful optimism and a "joie de vivre" that will rival only precious cat-o-mine when said cat has been given a fresh catnip salad!
What could be better and more fun! I will be reborn by basking in glow of HIS youthful energy and optimism and he will in turn benefit from MY life experience! PERFECT!
And let's face it after all, am very immature so a perfect fit! Of course his parents may not be ready to welcome my cradle-robbing self into the fold, but if I make him happy then heck, I say I am the girl for him! (oops, getting carried away as need actual AVAILABLE 26 yr old specimen in order to get moving on this new plan).
Note to self: subject is so young is entirely possible will not get reference to Ms. Robinson, and my humor may be wasted on younger men? Hmmmn...def. food for thought as could be problem…
And did I mention that he was TALL? Sighhhhh…
Anyway, to be continued, I hope…!
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