SOMEBODY STOP ME!
I’M DATING A TODDLER!
Diary Dateline: March, 2004, Boston, Massachusetts
Becoming dating goddess of Boston has turned me into monster! The words "so when did you graduate?" actually came out of my pretty little mouth today as have embarked upon journey of house hunting (ok-well, condo hunting) with assistance of oh-so-virile lad (meaning YOUNG!) who is eager to make a sale!
Have learned house-hunting is MOST fun kind of shopping ever! No disturbing episodes of standing before hideous 3-way mirrors under sizzling fluorescent lights while trying to assess fit, color, quality, price all the while sucking breath in so hard as to render brain useless so that fit, color, quality and price become unquantifiable. Typically this results in poor purchasing decisions of fatally trendy and quite often very trashy garments that will just send you scurrying back to the mall the next week anyway. Hmmmmn...
Note-to-self: remember next time urge to shop for new frock hits that this is all part of EVIL retailing conspiracy that has been waged against poor unsuspecting consumers (meaning WOMEN) since the dawn of time.
But I DIGRESS!…
Anyway, house-hunting not only saves you from much oxygen deprivation and ensuing giddiness, but actually thrusts you into arms of adorable realtors panting to call you at all hours and offering to drive you around in their car and focus on one thing: MAKING YOU HAPPY! Eegads what a concept!
Well, ok, when push comes to shove (from my lips to God's ears with the lad I met today, please God!) adorable realtors will probably eventually revert to non-courting type selfish behaviors (more on that to come, I promise) but I say make hay while sun shines! Can potentially line up three or four hunks at a time to squire me about town.
The best part is whenever they show a "property" as they like to call them, can just hem, haw and ultimately gently decline with vague comments like "the hallway seems sort of dark, doesn't it?" while batting eyes up at REALTOR BOY signifying that am helpless to help self and are imploring HIM to help ME by finding ME my heart's desire.
Desperate to make sale, REALTOR BOY will rack brains and ply me with still more offerings (in my case dank and smelly starter-condos in rough neighborhoods, but heck we all have to start somewhere) leaving me sighing heavily with much heaving of my delicate and scantily v-neck clad bosom and casting about helplessly for the right words that will enable him understand what it is that will truly make me happy. Purrrrrrfect!
Not to mention if don't have lots of dates lined up at moment then most of this can take place on weekends and during lunch hours-so can pretend are on dates and if nothing else size up local real estate market for future investments while practicing flirting and dating behaviors. A real WIN-WIN, I say!
Stay tuned as am about to put theory into practice!
Comments