Diary Dateline: February 12, 2004, Boston, Massachusetts
…Big Night: F.O.R. (friend of Rachel) and I Throw Valentine's Day Protest Party!
Oooohhhh, another bitterly cold and wintry Wednesday night in Boston. Have big plans though as gorgeous F.O.R. (Friend of Rachel) and I are throwing Valentine's Day Protest Party. Both single and happy about it but are sick of being questioned about our respective singledom everywhere we go!
Constantly have to hear things like, "So you've never been married? You've never even been engaged? Do you have kids?" from all sorts of seemingly normal people who just can't seem to grasp the reality of a 30-something single woman living large in the big city. Whatever.
Sick to death of such nonsense and thus in fit of altruism have decided in order to change attitudes of young jet-set population of our darling city who have dared utter such questions have invited everyone we know to bash in hopes of educating masses, sparking romance in the hearts of the lonely and while we are at it, hunting and gathering digits for us!
So, after squeezing into torturous constricting undergarments and sleek black ensemble with ridiculously high heels am off to pre-party drink with potential swain delivered to me by well-meaning (MARRIED) sister. Look quite fetching as perch at bar of No. 9 Park, hot see and be seen Boston bar/restaurant, awaiting arrival of swain.
Swain arrives, spots me, swaggers up to bar and confesses practically in first breath that he is in one-year relationship! Hmmm, quite cute and wouldn't you know it TALL too dammit. But is instantly and all too abundantly clear to moi that his plan is to implicate ME in HIS attempt at infidelity! AS IF!
As counter-attack to his maneuvers immediately order very expensive glass of champagne and begin to slurp down at rapid and most likely ill-advised pace.
Decide I feel quite sorry for poor left-at-home girlfriend (whose name he refuses to share and thus I christen her "poor little Cindy Lou Who") and know with certainty that this is one swain can do without! But am stuck now so decide to utilize powerful psychotherapeutic techniques learned in job to elicit personal history/information from this rascal of a date (his fear of commitment, his familial issues, blah, blah, blah…yeah right buddy, that might be how you suck some woman into your little world of girl on the side/sloppy seconds scenario, but you obviously don't know who you are dealing with!)
Awestruck by my ability to uncover the TRUE, yet usually, hidden "HIM" he begins to gaze at me with glassy eyes and falls into trancelike state, swiveling in seat to face me in noticeably alpha-male type posture, repeatedly touching my knee (did I mention am wearing fabulously short in length yet high in waist French-designed skirt purchased at Anthropologie off sale rack? Too fabu!) and wanting me to know "EVERYTHING" about "HIM." Hmmm: Is almost too easy really, not unlike Crocodile Dundee hypnotizing water buffalo! Can almost hear Didjeridu (Australian Aboriginal) music playing along in soundtrack of our date.
Note-to-self: must remember that this is technique that will be useful in scaring away future cheating infidels. Am convinced that he will wake up tomorrow thinking "Holy %$#@! Can never, ever, call that woman again - she has some sort of voodoo powers that she used on me last night and I fell right into her trap! If I am not careful will be married with three children before the spring thaw!"
Good riddance say I.
Another note-to-self: Remember when encounter future potential swains refrain from any and all voodoo techniques have learned as may backfire with normal man!
Quickly grow weary of game/date and suggest gently to now near zombie of a swain, that we depart for V-day Protest Party as I am after all co-hostess of party and he is SO profoundly complicated cannot possibly figure out everything about him in one date/session and that I am only human after all and that will be $150.00 please! J.K. (just kidding)
Enter party and introduce Swain as my "un-date", pawn him off on well-meaning (married) sister and spouse and proceed to flirt with other potentially available males in attendance. By end of night have not only collected digits but have paired single women up with single men (even saw lip lock down by lounge area!) and am delighted that love is indeed in the air, almost feel like super-heroine of love! Have brought the lonely hearts together and now perhaps some of these lucky women will be visited by the florist this Friday, Valentines' Day.
Am leaving with digits and date on horizon. My cup truly runneth over. Where will I find the time for all of these swains!!!
Note-to-self: be sure to dress as Aphrodite next Halloween as have truly earned right to call myself the goddess/vixen of love…
